22. Not all those who wander are lost

La Guistinana-Roma to Rome

Well we have done it! We have arrived in Rome. It’s been an epic three weeks of extraordinary experiences and I can truth say it was one of the great periods of my life. It was challenging, fascinating, tiring, and uplifting. We met great people, learned about language, history, food, wine and Italian culture and also a lot about ourselves. I also learned how much I love writing.

Today was an odd day. I mentioned yesterday that Grant had decided to continue on the VF and enter Rome from the North whereas I had decided to follow what had been recommended to us by our agents and also what we had paid for, and go across to the via Appia Antica and walk into Rome from the South. (The southern route is still via Francigena, just another section). The logic from our agents was that the via Appia Antica was far more beautiful and interesting than the last leg of the Lazio VF, which was mostly urban. Grant felt by not doing it we were somehow not finishing, so opted out of the Appia route.

I thought I was fine about it, but actually I felt incredibly sad arriving in Rome and seeing St Peter’s in the distance without him. It made me realise that my original thoughts of doing this walk alone would not have been a good idea. It is a totally different experience not having someone to share things with, and that was a good lesson, even though a painful one. That being said, the via Appia Antica was amazing. That is it in the first picture. It’s now a National park, and stretches for over 40km of paved and cobbled road. The section I started in was particularly lovely (about 15km out of the city) as the only cars allowed on it were those of residents. The road was lined with Roman mausoleums and monuments, palaces and churches and magisterial homes with enormous grounds and gardens. There were some very interesting archaeological sites including a 2nd century thermal bath complex. Once I got closer to the city the traffic returned but it was still an interesting walk, albeit requiring me to flatten myself against walls a few times when a bus passed. There were an enormous number of tourists on bicycles, mostly without helmets, navigating wet cobblestones, no verges and fast traffic. Braver than me!

I started feeling emotional when I passed through the Aurelian walls at Porto San Sebastiano, near the end of the Appian Way and entered the old city. I realised the colosseum was just around the corner so popped across to see it again. It’s so clean I hardly recognised it! My nerves were jangling from the hundreds of tourists after so many days of quiet, but I reminded myself I was one as well, and Rome is a city everyone should experience. I followed the path along the river for a few kilometres and suddenly there was St Peters, looming across a beautiful bridge and looking so majestic, I burst into tears.

As fate would have it, Grant and I arrived at St Peter’s square within minutes of each other and it was so good to be able to share that arrival. We used our pilgrims passport with all the stamps we have collected on the journey to jump to the very front of the queue into St Peter’s and got our official Pilgrim Testimonium, which again brought me to tears. I feel like I’ve been hit with a tsunami of feelings none of which I really know what to do with, but I think that is understandable. As Bilbo Baggins says to Frodo, “It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

We have travelled for 24 days, walking for 20 and covering just short of 400km. At this stage a lot of it is a blur, but we have a lovely break now in Puglia to process all that we have done. That is the wandering side.

The wondering side has been a very important part of this journey for me. I haven’t found all the answers I was looking for, but I do feel I have had a chance to think things through on a far deeper level than I have been able to in the past. I can see that this next stage of my life holds great promise as long as I am open to taking up whatever opportunities present themselves. I know I want to focus on my relationships far more and learn from my partner and friends as well as using whatever gifts or experience I have to lift them up in turn. I see loss of confidence as a big threat to the quality of life of people over 60 and that is something I want to be more aware of and work on. I want to continue to revel in my children and the love I feel for them and also keep space for my grandchildren so that I am present and part of their lives in a meaningful way. What I will ‘do’ in the community is unsure, but I do realise that I hate committees and am not good at them and should stop getting on them! I want to enjoy the time I have with my mother and cherish my friends as they become more precious as the years pass. I want to stay fit and somehow lose the weight that even 400km didn’t get rid of! I want to keep working with my partner to work out how to mould our relationship so it meets both our needs, and I want to write. Writing this blog has been such an enormous pleasure and I want to thank the literally hundreds of you who have been on this journey with me. I do hope many of you will do it yourselves as it is truly a remarkable experience both physically and mentally.

The title of today‘s blog is another Tolkien quote. “Not all those who wander are lost.” I wasn’t lost when I started this pilgrimage, but I was empty. I knew where I was but I didn’t know why and I certainly didn’t know where I was going. I have been filled by the rich experiences and the sharing of them with Grant, and have a sense that what comes next is going to be a bit like Bilbo’s experience - I don’t know know where I will be swept off to- but I am looking forward to whatever comes.

I will leave you with two happy pilgrims who have made it to the end of the first of many journeys.

Love Marie